This great wrong came at a very critical time in my new Christian growth. It clipped the budding growth of my youth in the Lord. This offensive spirit, thrown on me, quenched the rapid vibrant growth that, by all means, should have propelled me into greatness in the Lord.
For thirty six years I wandered through a desert of my own that was barren of fruit. There were only other hurting souls wondering within the bounds of this waste land to commune with. Others were there who knew nothing of the richness that God has provided for all Christians to take hold of and draw near to their inner being. They were a cohort of lost hurting minimal Christians. No strength was found within this loosely formed band of brothers.
What a dismal time this was. No one ever got excited about the power available from the God of the Universe. No one experienced any great miracles or even itty bitty small ones, just a dismal lonely tiring boring experience. This is just where the evil one wanted us to be. We were quietly pushed out of the way where no one would notice us. Most assuredly this was a place where nothing spiritual would ever happen to or through us. We were just a burden on Christ and the might He had died to give us.
Dying alone in this desert would have been better than just existing over the realms of slowly passing time. But for some reason I was allowed to live, though many death attacks were thrown at me, time and time again, designed to lay me dead and useless for all time. But something kept me going always forward one slow small step at a time, ever onward, ever upward.
(I am right now listening to a message from Pastor Bagwell about the prophets of Baal. He is teaching about the sexual sins they welcomed into their church and the depravity that overtook the then current teachings) WOW! How timely.
What a time of torment this was to my spirit man. Cut off from the Christ that I once found dear and let slip away from my bosom. The closeness that once, for a brief moment, was mine is now seemingly lost forever. Frustration abounded in every area of my life. Nothing seemed to have lasting meaning as I was content to let whatever would happen to happen. No direction and no goals or visions to lead me into the heavenly realm.
Looking back I can now see that I was spiritually dead. DEAD. No growth, no inspiration, no meaning. There was just a lonely waiting for the eventuality of death and the end to take over and relieve me from this meaningless world.
BUT. There was something looming in a secret small place within my being. A small spark of hope. A vestige of spiritual truth. One day a book caught my eye that prompted me to seek out a different church. One with a spirit filled ministry like I saw in the pages of this revelation I had found. I pursued but did not catch on to the reality of what was available.
Many years later, after my job, finances and wife were taken away, I again ran into a message that prompted me to seek help once again. A DVD on prosperity from Paula White propelled me again into a search for a church teaching the wholeness of the Spirit of God as I saw.
God placed Word of Life into my sights. I immediately fell in love with the new teachings found there. I committed my life to the teachings of Pastor Bagwell and became a regular attendee. I quickly became part of the “Church within the Church”.
So the original journey has been begun anew with vigor and excitement as I seek to make up lost time. Stretching forward and upward towards the High Place so frequently spoken of by Pastor.
Where this all lead is the message of another story at a later time. I just know that God is once again with me (actually He never left, I just closed my eyes to His presence) as I fly over obstacles to the goal set before me/us. Oh! Yea! I forgot to mention that my lovely bride, Ana, is faithfully at my side as a partner, companion and fellow traveler as we transverse this marvelous world in search of lost souls to reap for the Kingdom of God